Another Election Year 2008

By Seamus Muldoon, Himself
Copyright © 1997-2017
All Rights Reserved


Here we go again! Just when you thought ridiculosity was at its apogee, you begin to appreciate that there is a universal premium on stupid – at least in the assessment of our “leaders”, of our acuity. Judging from what is being said to us by those who wish to be the next “elected few”, our being convincible using a giant intellectual manure spreader means that we are nothing but a critical mass of human stupidity. Question Number 1 – Where must we be on the curve of our life cycle if we are truly as stupid as those wishing to be our leaders obviously believe us to be? One candidate says that if elected, he will abolish the IRS. He is also from Arkansas where people are stupid enough to cheer for such nonsense.

Nations, like industries, have historical life cycles. To be sure, they may endure long after their strategic relevance has past, but only as “museum” societies, places where monuments, art and architecture attract visitation. France and Italy typify museum societies. Rome, once mighty and dominant, became corrupt, arrogant, obese, lazy and was over run by leaner, hungrier hordes of barbarians. Might we be facing a similar situation now?

Judging from what our government tells us, and from how so many of us look – just enormous FatWads – one might well posit that we are almost there, at our point of irrelevance. Think of that as you continue to read this commentary about what life is like approaching the 2008 presidential elections.

In reality, life in the United States is really great, but for just a small number of painful, negative issues that resist resolution. Our economy thrives, albeit fueled in part by war. War is in the picture for us for a very long time, as the barbarian hordes of the Middle East are hell bent on self destruction and on taking us with them. Apparently, we have committed a number of sins against them that are now full blown cassus belli. We have supported the insertion of the State of Israel into their geographic midst, and that sore will not heal unless Israel is removed. They can’t remove it. We are unwilling to remove it. We toppled the government of Iraq and then stayed around to try to make the Iraqis into clones of American viewpoints. They rightly resent this. They are who they are. We are who we are. Each of us has the right to be who we are, no matter how destructive, so long as our destructiveness does not impinge upon them and vice versa. We insist upon remaining in Iraq for military and economic reasons. The generals want to be generals more than they want to actually accomplish anything, so improvement is unlikely. You can’t wage successful war and be politically correct at the same time. You can wage effective war and then try to be politically correct afterward, but you have to get the war job done first. It’s the first part we aren’t doing effectively.

My personal view is that Iraq is not worth one more American life. If they wish not to get along and to slaughter each other, so be it. We aint their daddy. But we do have important economic and strategic interests in the area and we are unwilling to sit by while chaos envelops them. We should just be bloody honest about it and say that simply and forthrightly.

In the meantime, we are wasting money there faster than the President of Texas Southern University, recently convicted of criminally wasting money. Some very wealthy Republican supporters are making a bloody fortune doing things in Iraq and that is hindering our exit from a very bad situation. What we waste in Iraq could do a lot to improve some sorely needed assistance projects right here in America, and that would really be important and constructive. Were we to put it to the Iraqis that we are done with their stealing most of the money we try to spend there for infrastructure improvement and that they must hasten the lessening of internecine slaughter on pain of a lessened flow in the extremely near future, things might improve – especially if that were to be accompanied with some immediate examples of lessened largesse.

Our largesse programs always assume that most of the money will be stolen by the regime in power in the recipient country. It has never been otherwise, regardless of that country’s location or the culture of its people. A universal characteristic of any ruler/president/prime minister is that he will steal a hot stove if the opportunity presents itself.

When we have our own regime change next year, the wasting of money will certainly continue, but in different ways, also without remediation of serious needs here. But, all in all, I would prefer that our own crooks get the money than some bloody foreigners. Right now we pay a lot of money to foreign crooks for their let and leave when all we would really have to do is invest a few anti personnel rounds.

Fortunately, Americans are now so fed up with the phony religious right, so called family values conservative perverts that it is highly unlikely the Repubicans will have much sway in the next presidential term. I have no problem with people being gay. I have problems with people who are gay who pretend they are otherwise and espouse anti gay agendas for electoral purposes, pandering to the ultra right wing so called Christian constituency while trying to fondle undercover cops in airport rest rooms. It is my specific recollection that the National Socialists of Germany also were heavily populated by closet gays who persecuted homosexuals in the name of political and racial purity. On their way to defeat and collapse, they did many terrible things to people that were totally unnecessary when all they had to do to be happy was accept who they were and happily copulate amongst themselves without fear of getting preggers.

The venomous right wing Republcan constituency seems willing to inflict cruelty upon others in the name of quite similar agendas – Auslandern raus! Their willingness to punish women for being women is also a hallmark of perversion. Their approach to education is the effective equivalent of Nazi book burning. They twist the Bible in perverse ways to make the message of Christ a message of cruel indifference. They are strangers to kindness and charity. Thank God we are rejecting them.

Now we are going through the swine sift in which each party eliminates those pigs that have no significant appeal and who would clearly not be elected. Of course, each constituency within each of the political parties has its own idea who has real appeal, usually without regard to realities and only with regard with the degree to which the candidate panders to their agenda. The book burners, anti gay rights, anti immigrant, anti intellectual and anti science Repubican constituency seems now to be enamored with Mike Huckabee. He is the Arkansas moron who will abolish the IRS (so he says) and eschews evolution. Of course, in fairness, if one comes from Arkansas he probably has no reason to believe in evolution or, for that matter, in oral hygiene. He is a drop dead loser in the November elections, but the religious extremists adore him.

On the Democrat side, the phony Clintons are having a hard time on a campaign they expected to own and just breeze through to the Democrat nomination for President. They are being upstaged big time by an outstanding black man named Barack Obama. Sick and tired of all the fundamentalist right wing Republican crap that had to be tolerated for these last eight years, the young voters of America are super enthused by Obama, who has been called Kennedyesque by no less than the Kennedy family their own selves.

Hillary faked a teary eyed moment during the New Hampshire primary, and many credit that stunt with getting her past Obama in that state. Now she has gone to having one of her staff who are sprinkled through every crown at each appearance tell her some sad story, whereupon she fakes another teary eyed moment. Today’s Drudge Report has a picture of her after Obama swept three states this weekend and she got nothing, with the caption “Hillary in tears”. It’s a real hoot.

I have long lamented that it’s a shame the political parties keep coming up with these opportunistic scoundrels with phony messages. One could posit that I have just defined every politician. I would have to agree. As all turds float, turds vetting is the electoral mean dimension. A part of me – self delusional no doubt – thinks that just maybe Obama might be a cut above. NAH! But if he is a cut above, is that a slam dunk guaranty that he will not be elected? Could I be too cynical? Are the younger, better educated voters perhaps motivated to leave the old crooks behind this year and give a younger set an opportunity to govern and steal? Certainly the Clintstones have had their day at the cookie jar. If Hillaroid were President, wouldn’t Bill go around the world peddling his influence at the White House for big bucks for at least the next four years? God, those are disgusting people! They give lying, cheating and stealing a bad name.

In the midst of all this the State of Kentucky is declaring that the official state picnic food is fried chicken, and the animal rights crazies are at riot temperament and screaming through the streets. Meanwhile, as you might well imagine, KFC wants it to be Kentucky Fried Chicken that is the official food, and Church’s Chicken and Popeye’s are going nuts over that. Thank God there’s nothing else to worry about these days. The animal rights morons should consider what chickens would be treated like if they didn’t taste good. There is no final solution to the chicken problem, because there is no chicken problem. We eat chicken fetuses/embryos for breakfast, and if they survive to maturity, we eat ‘em then too. YUM!

It’s March, and we have several more months of this political campaigning to endure. John McCain has the Rupubican nomination sewed up. Huckabee is toast. The only question is how much of the so called Christian right bullshit he will have to pander to in order to keep those bastards from staying home on Election Day. They would rather support scumbags like the Clintons by refusing to support a centrist ticket, just to teach the Repubicans that they are indispensable.

Many Repubicans are voting for Hillaroid in the primaries because they believe that McCain can beat Hillaroid, but probably not Obama in the general election.

I will vote for McCain meself if he isn’t carrying the lunatic fringe right wing bullshit baggage. If he does have to pretend to espouse that, I will vote for Obama if he is the Democrat candidate. If Hillaroid is their candidate I will simply stay home and enjoy the day cooking and wine tasting. At least in that way, come dinnertime I will have made Belinda happy with a scrumptious meal.

Now that the Democrat campaign is neck and neck, the Clintstones are getting to their true selves and nastying up the whole exercise. It’s fun to see them have to quit the pretense that they are decent people. One thing is becoming clear, however. Do you remember Hillaroid’s old law partner that she worked with on the White Water scam and then was appointed Attorney General of the United States in the Clintstone administration – the one who was convicted of stealing from clients, disbarred and sent to jail – Webster Hubbell? Well, if you hold a picture of him close to a picture of Chelsea Clinton, you instantly realize who her real father is. And you thought that Bill’s fucking around on Hillaroid went unrequited! HAH! You realize how bloody tough that bitch is when you imagine what it must have been like to fuck Webster Hubbell without throwing up.

Yesterday an Arab shot up an orthodox Jewish seminary in Jerusalem, killing several smelly rabbinical students. Since I believe that the extreme right constituency in every religion is evil, intolerant and tyrannical, I am having a hard time being upset by the incident. There is no difference between orthodox rabbis, ayatollahs and the book burning Christian extremists in my mind. They are all pure evil. I regret that there is no physical place called Hell where evil people go to be tormented for eternity with fire and all other varieties of misery, because it would gladden my heart to be able to believe that they will be consigned eventually to such a place. It would be the most fitting reward for the intolerance and hate that they promote in the world.

On the bright side, I am to become a grandfather in a few weeks. It is to be a boy, and his name will be Gunnar, a fitting name for a future Marine. Since my daughter is an OB/GYN physician, I get regular sonogram pictures of Gunnar in utero, and she has been kind enough to point out that in those pictures it appears that Gunnar will have an extremely large penis. I am urging her not to discard his foreskin when he is circumcised, but to have it made into an appropriate piece of luggage.

On another bright side, in two years it will be the 20th anniversary of my being madly in love with Belinda, and I am already on the job trying to plan an appropriate manner of celebration. Since we have 18 cats to be cared for meticulously each day, it will have to be something that does not involve travel. God only knows how many cats we will have by that glorious day anyway. I am certain that if Belinda and I had had children of our own, they would have been named Fluffy and Sugar Pie and/or similar feline appellations. Although, to her credit, she did give some of the cats human names, including, Floyd, Scruffy, Mugsy, Michael Jackson and Cleophus.

On another bright side, I have been spared four hour painful erections, such as we are warned against in all those television commercials. I find it difficult to appreciate that an erection could ever be unpleasant. What manner of man would fail to appreciate an extraordinary erection?

Inasmuch as we do not expect anything other than several months of boring opprobrium in the national electioneering, I doubt that there will be any material worth waiting to write about here. For that reason I will end this story here – for now at least.



By Seamus Muldoon, Himself
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Copyright © 1997-2017 All Rights Reserved