TThe Muldoonian Constituency - 2012

By Seamus Muldoon, Himself
Copyright © 1997-2017
All Rights Reserved


It is August 2012. This is Houston Texas. Houston is one of two other than far right communities in Texas. We have a lesbian mayor who does a great job and will be re-elected. You could do that in Austin too, but nowhere else in Texas. The Tea Baggers seem to be calling a lot of the shots here this year. Public education therefore is a shambles. The religious fundamentalists want nothing taught that might in any manner be deemed by their view to be inconsistent with Bible writ Ė as interpreted by them.

Texas turns down federal funding that would provide pre natal care for poor women in favor of enhancing special needs birth probabilities, because to do otherwise would also include effective sex ed, access to contraception, information about abortions and the general promotion of fornication Ė their favorite word.

It appears that very far right male religious fundamentalists have a hard time getting laid without a lot of cash on the line. Their womenfolk on the other hand are usually hornier than street dogs, as they havenít been fucked by anyone who gave a shit whether they liked it for as long as they can remember. So if you run into the wife of some wing nut Jesus freak while she is out of town on her own, and you treat her with a little kindness, she is going to fuck you half to death. She will want to follow you home.

Oddly enough Texas leads the nation in teenage pregnancy so fornication must be our national sport. High school here wonít get you ready for higher education, but the fucking is really fantastic.

In Houston and in Austin people would rather have better public education, effective assistance for poor people and access to medical care as would be provided by Obamacare if Texas would participate. It wonít.

The clientele of Muldoons is somewhere else. We for the most part really donít give a shit. We have good jobs or are self employed. We donít bother ourselves with the great issues of our time. Whatever is good for the petroleum industry is good for Texas and good for us. If the rest of the world wants to kill each other off over dueling ideologies, so be it. We watch a lot of sports and the weather, but not much news. We stopped following the presidential campaign a long time ago when it stopped being funny. When Herman Cane quit trying to be Bill Clinton we lost interest.

We have another three months of our leaders and those who want to be our leaders engaging in meaningless trash talk. To shout nastiness for months on end assumes that your audience is comprised of morons. Since the audience is hanging on every utterance the assumption of mental acuity is probably correct. Intelligent folks are just tuning it out.

Muldoonians donít really care if Mitt Romney takes advantage of tax opportunities. We would do the same. Muldoonians know that access to good medical treatment resources and birth control is not a war on religion. Smart folks know that the Constitution forbids using government to further religious agendas. Church involvement in this bullshit is pointed to as another good reason why Muldoonians wouldnít get caught dead inside a church. While we may need God, we donít need these God clubs to tell us we are going to hell if we donít do as they prescribe. God clubs are for the weak and for those who manipulate the weak.

In our opinion Muldoons will remain open and healthy regardless of who gets elected in November. It might be better for everyone if we got into another war somewhere so that we could send our frustrated poor to fight someone elseís frustrated poor. The oil business always does well in war time, especially if it is in the Middle East, and you know thatís good for Texas.

We are of many cultures in Muldoons, but we all seem to have similar opinions about major issues Ė the Astros, the Texans, fishing, the weather, golf, the ready supply of women/the supply of ready women.

Across the path from Muldoons is Princeís fast food restaurant, so if we get hungry we go get something to eat there and bring it back to Muldoons. We donít have lectures on organic gardening or extra virgin olive oil tastings at Muldoons. We have a grand patio under gorgeous live oaks with plenty of shade. We have great things to talk about Ė the Astros, the Texans, fishing, the weather, golf, etc.

While the wine at Muldoons is not why anyone goes there, the beer is great and the drinks are generous. The bartenders are absolutely lovely and charming. If there are illegal aliens there among us having a good time and contributing to the general enjoyment of the scene they are more than welcome. We donít get a lot of gays, but no one would care if we did. Since the Enron crooks donít drink there anymore (but may return when they get out of prison), there is almost no chance anyone will shoot the place up. There is disabled parking about three blocks away in someone elseís parking lot. We donít get a lot of vegetables and cripples so we donít need close up veggie parking.

There is no TV in Muldoons, so we wonít be watching any of the political conventions. No one cares what Romney or Obama have to say about anything. No matter what they say, when all is said and done, everything will remain the same. The bitterness is greater because ever since Obama got elected President, the morons fear that blacks are taking over everything.

There is no danger of any minority taking over anything, but the white supremacists need that constant fear to hold their group together. Occasionally one or two of them will go shoot up some other-than-white venue, but they kill more folks in Chicago every month than the nut bags and the far right morons. There are 350,000,000 people in the USA, so killing a few dozen a month is statistically meaningless. We all carry firearms but never have a chance to use them other than on the pistol range.

Every year some place is called Murder City, but it rarely kills more than 1,000 people in a year. YAWN! No bar ever has a shooting if it does not offer cheap drink specials and a happy hour. Thatís where the punks go to drink so thatís where some fool will start a fight and stab or shoot somebody. Mostly it is because his old lady got looked at in a come hither way and kinda liked it. If you are a real idiot, when someone looks that way at your woman you have no choice but to display your insecurities, right? And how best to do that than to pull out your gun and pretend it is your dick and use it on somebody?

Usually the bigger the gun the smaller the dick. Of course the idiot then expects his woman to go home with him and fuck his brains out because he is her knight in shining armor. Often she resists, and so he shoots her too. If you sell drinks at good prices that kind of shit doesnít happen in your bar.

Actually, Muldoonís is sort of like a world unto itself where everything usually happens the way everything should Ė you sit down; say howdy; order your drink; drink it; settle up when youíre done and go home or wherever it is you go after having a lot of fun. In a place like that is it any wonder that eight months of bullshit vitriol simply doesnít interest us?



By Seamus Muldoon, Himself
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