Booger and Bubba

By Seamus Muldoon, Himself
Copyright © 1997-2017
All Rights Reserved


Booger and Bubba


Hello, my friend. We are Booger and Bubba, two orange tabby cats who live in Houston, Texas. Whenever we tell anyone about the way we live and what we do, they always say that we ought to write a story about our life here, because it is so interesting. Now, it is nothing especially interesting to us. We live it every day and are used to it. But, if everyone thinks we are worth a story, we ought at least to try to give it to our friends. So, here it is. 

Letís start at the very beginning. We were born about a year and a half ago, which would make us now about ten years old in human terms. Did you know that one cat year is about the same as seven people years. We develop much faster than human babies. We are brothers, born at the same time in the same litter. 

Now, as luck would have it, we were placed for pet adoption by the SPCA at their location in the Houston, Texas Galleria shopping mall. The Galleria is the most hotsy-totsy shopping mall in Houston. All the fanciest stores are there, and all the hotsy-totsy rich people go there to shop for their clothes and for everything else they could possibly want. Some people in Houston spend so much money there that the stores will send a big limousine to bring them to the Galleria whenever they like. Can you imagine anything like that? Many ordinary folks shop there also, as there are stores that do sell less expensive things for the humble folk, and they occasionally have sales, when they lower the prices of whatever the very rich folks didnít buy. Then the rich stay home, and the humble folks go to the Galleria and buy what is left over for less money. 

It was in just such a day that our Mum came to the Galleria to look for bargains, and walked into the SPCA store where we were being offered for someone who would like to share their home with new pets. There were several other kittens there too, and a few puppies. But there were no snakes or lizards and no pet frogs or bugs. Snakes frogs and bugs are not allowed in the Galleria. Now we think that strange. Why would you worry about snakes frogs and bugs if you allow lawyers to come there to shop. And, speaking of lawyers, it was talked about all over the Galleria that one day a lawyer was seen shopping there, and he had his hands in his own pockets. Now, have you ever heard of that before? 

Anyway, back to our story. There we were, playing in our cage in the SPCA store, when in walks this very pretty lady named Belinda, who simply falls madly in love with us almost at first sight. We know that anyone who loves us must be a very intelligent person. So, we were very happy when she decided to adopt us and take us home with her. As it turns out, she has kept and loved cats for many, many years.  Two of her very old cats had died, and she missed them terribly. When you have a great deal of love to give, you must have someone to give it to. And so, she decided that we would be her two new kittens, and that she would give us all the love that she had always given to Felix and Oscar, her two cats that had gone to heaven. And, surprise, surprise, when we arrived at her home, there was still another cat living there, an elderly lady cat named Vickie. 

Vickie, Felix and Oscar had lived together with our new Mum, Belinda, for many years, and Vickie missed Felix and Oscar too. They were not very much alike, but had grown accustomed to each other over the years and were very affectionate. Later, when Vickie decided that she would put up with two new kittens running around all over the house all the time, playing constantly until we just were too tired to play any more, she told us a story about Oscar. Oscar was a very unusual cat. He loved to eat spicy Texas chilli, and he actually liked people. Now who ever heard of a cat that liked people. Most cats know that people were placed on earth to take care of us, and nothing more. We pay no attention to them and do whatever we please. But Oscar was definitely a people person. Vickie told us that she even caught Oscar reading the newspaper one morning. He was reading a review of a Broadway Musical Theatre performance of a musical play entitled ďCatsĒ. 

Our new Mum lived with a big old man who was her cook, named Muldoon. Vickie told us that when Muldoon would fall asleep in his big chair in the evening, Oscar would jump up on his chest and stomach and fall asleep there. She said it was the funniest thing she had ever seen. There was old Muldoon, asleep in his chair, with Oscar sleeping on his tummy, going up and down every time Muldoon took another breath. We laughed until we almost cried, it was such a funny story. We could just see Oscar, sleeping on a big toy bed that breathes, goes up and down with every breath and makes a snoring sound, like a big fog horn, bellowing out to ships at sea. Vickie said she thought it was ridiculous and that she thought Oscar was an embarrassment to all cats for doing that. But, she said that Oscar and old Muldoon the cook were very close friends. The more we think about it, the easier it is for us to understand that a cat who likes to eat spicy Texas chili would naturally make friends with the cook.   

Please click on the picture above to get a FULL size view.

Mumís house is like heaven for two little kittens. When we were just born and still at the SPCA, we lived in a confined space, about the size of a small closet, along with hundreds of other mostly newborn animals, all waiting for somebody to come along and fall in love with us and take us along home to live with them. But here at Mumís house, where we have the run of the entire house, it seems that we have so much space to run and play, and so many things to climb on and jump from. People call that stuff furniture, and they never climb on it or jump from it. How silly they are! Every day when we watch them, they make us laugh. They are so funny. They are very big and very slow moving. They canít jump and run and scamper like a cat. And they eat so much food. If we ate like they do, we probably couldnít jump and scamper either. Every day old Muldoon the cook prepares enormous bowls and plates of food three times a day. And three times a day they eat it all up. We believe that their house has to be so big because it has to have enough room for such big eaters to move around. And the sounds they sometimes make! Goodness, Gracious! I suppose if we ate like that, we might make those sounds too. They eat so much that when they have to go to Poo, they do it on a very large chair with a hole in the bottom, and water floods the whole thing to wash it all away. All we have to do is go into our litter box and do our duty and cover it over with a little cat litter that the humans empty and change for us. Our cat litter is completely deoodorized so that you canít smell what we do. They think those smells are unpleasant, so they cover them up. We like those smells. All cats and dogs like things that smell bad. 

Anyway, we spend every day playing on all that furniture, running and jumping and chasing each other and play fighting and jumping on each other from hiding places. Then, when we are just too tired to play any more, we take naps. People call them cat naps. We can sleep anywhere we like, on the floor, on any piece of furniture. We sleep in different spots every time. How exciting! People canít do that. They fall asleep in their big chairs after dinner and in their beds. And there are so many exciting things for us to watch. In Houston it is very hot and steamy, and there are lots of bugs. Mum and old Muldoon keep the house very clean, so there are hardly any bugs here. But every once in a while one will get in from the outside, and then we get to chase it all around the house. What a wonderful game. I think I would rather chase a bug around the house than almost anything else in the world. When they see us coming to get them they run and go in zig zag directions to try to get away. Sometimes they beat us to a piece of furniture and run and hide under it where the space is so tight that we canít get in there to chase them. Then we have to go hide and wait for them to come out so that we can chase them again. Bugs are so dumb.  

We never go outside, except that there is an outdoor atrium in the middle of the house, and we can go out there and play. But in the real outside, other animals roam free, and we can see them when we look out the windows. There are cats and dogs and birds of all sorts out there. And when it rains, they get wet. And then they look all soggy and unhappy. We never get wet and dirty. Sometimes I think that the way we live isnít real. We are always in clean rooms, well fed and cared for. We donít have top go out and chase something down to get something to eat. What we eat comes out of cans and bags and is placed in bowls for us, just like Old Muldoon serves Mumsy every day. I think we are getting spoiled. Every thing we need is provided for us, and we donít have to do anything for it. Now we know that people donít live like that. They have to go work almost every day to earn money to pay for this house and all the food and everything. And we have even heard them giving thanks to God for their work and their life and their food. We are thinking that maybe we ought to say prayers also and give thanks for all the good things we enjoy every day. 

Mum always thinks of the outdoor cats and birds, and every day she places food and clean water in the front and back yards for stray cats and for the birds. It is always placed so that we can watch out the window and see the cats and birds come to eat. Every morning there is a stray cat who comes to the front door to enjoy a breakfast that Mum puts out there for him. He comes right up to the window and we can watch him eat. Sometimes he tries to get into the house by hurling himself against the window. Heís so dumb. He thinks that just because he can see through the window into the house, he can jump through it and come inside and play with us. Heís so funny. He never learns. And every morning he bounces off that window and has to pick himself up, always wondering why he canít seem to make it inside. 

When the stray cat isnít out there having breakfast or dinner, there is always some food left over. Every day there are these same four blue jays that come and eat the rest of the cat food. Blue jays are very smart birds, and they are not afraid of anything. They are really tough. They will even try to scare a cat away so they can steal his food. They see us looking at them through the window, barely a foot or two away. But they know we canít get through the window to chase them, so they just stand there and enjoy the cat food and laugh at us and tease us. We pretend that we can get out the window, and we play a hunting game in which we hide just below the window sill, out of sight, and wait for them to come eat so we can watch them and pretend we are going to catch them. They fly around back and forth right out there in front of us just to get us excited. It is one of our favourite games. 

Out the back window, we get to watch the feeding of the pigeons every day. They start to fly on to the garage roof every afternoon around four oíclock, knowing that when Mum gets home from the office, she will put lots or bird seed out for them under the big, beautiful oak tree. By the time Mum gets home, there are hundreds of pigeons out there. When she puts the food down for them, they all fly down to get it at the same time. It looks like an invasion. If there is a noise or movement anywhere, they all become very frightened and all fly back up on to the garage at the same moment. That is some sight to see and some sound, as all their wings are flapping at the same time. And it is not just pigeons. Many other kinds of birds come to feed also. Mum has a bird feeder hanging from a limb of the oak tree, just for the small birds. The pigeons eat on the ground, and the sparrows and blue jays and cardinals and woodpeckers usually eat from the hanging bird feeder. There are also little squirrels who come every day to eat bird seed. They eat on the ground and they also climb up the tree to eat from the bird feeder. They are very funny. It is such an exciting scene every day to watch all those hundreds of birds and animals all feeding at the same time right outside our back window. What entertainment! We lead such exciting lives! 

Our day starts whenever we want it to. We get up and move somewhere else to play or to go back to sleep. We can see in the dark. Somewhere between three oíclock and four oíclock in the morning, we expect old Muldoon, the cook, to awaken, scratch himself like an old dog, and stagger half asleep into the bathroom to brush his teeth, brush his hair and begin his day. It must be true that cooks get up early so that everything is ready for the morning meal when normal people get up. Sometimes the old guy just sleeps right through until almost dawn. Thatís when we run in and start walking on him to get him awake. He is funny when he is waking up. It is like something that starts coming to life bit by bit, not all at once. He has the house memorized, so he moves around without turning on any lights. He thinks he is a cat and can see in the dark, but we know heís just bluffing. Mum awakes promptly at 5:30 a.m., and Muldoon is right there with a fresh cup of coffee for her when her bathroom light goes on and she begins putting her face on and fooling with her hair. We all, including Vickie, go into her bathroom and jump up on the counter and play with her make up tools, drink out of the basin faucet that she leaves gently running for us to play in, and generally follow her around whilst she does her morning stuff and wends her way into the kitchen to feed us and have her own breakfast with old Muldoon. We think of it as the morning parade into the kitchen. 

He doesnít really need to get up that early to fix breakfast, because he always sets up the coffee service before he goes to bed at night. But he goes into his little room that he uses for an office and fools with his computer. We always go in there with him and walk all over whatever he is working on to get his attention. He never angers and has a very pleasant and even temperament, no matter what we do. He will sometimes yell at us if we are on his kitchen counter trying to nibble at something he is making to eat, but we know he really wouldnít do anything to us. He is so funny. His face gets all red, and his eyes get big, and his nostrils flare out, and his lips curl, and he looks like he is about to explode. He does this to make a fierce impression, and if you didnít know him, you could be frightened. But we know it is all an act and that he is perfectly harmless. He has this big red Irish face that can look any way he wants it to look. It is a show in itself. We laugh at him a lot. Vickie told us that once a neighbour had a large, ferocious attack dog that he made no effort to restrain. He raided Mumís yard a few times and even had the bad fortune to have encountered old Muldoon once. According to Vickieís story, old Muldoon counselled with the dogís owners, to no avail. The police also refused to intervene, saying that they had not actually seen the dog threaten or attack anyone. Old Muldoon decided to take matters into his own hands, and the neighbour was very quickly enlightened regarding the consequences of refusing to cooperate, so much so that the neighbour called the police on old Muldoon. The constabulary came to the house to visit with old Muldoon, who told them that it was not his understanding of the law that he had to stand around and become a victim of the dangerous dog, and that if they would not use their authority in the correct manner, he would handle things himself, and they could then do whatever they saw fit. After going to the county prosecutor with the matter, they were told that old Muldoon was within his rights and that the neighbour might well be advised not to get old Muldoonís dander up. The dog was never again seen in the neighbourhood unrestrained. We follow him around all day just to keep track of him and to tease and play with him. He works in the house all day in that little room that is his office, banging away on his computer and talking to people on the telephone. Mum says he is also a lawyer, not just the cook, and every now and then someone will come over to talk with him about something. Then he puts on different clothes and pretends to be very serious. We have to go to another room, because it is so funny to watch him trying to be serious. Inside he is just dying to make some joke and be funny like we know he always is. We try not to tease him when someone is visiting to ask him to solve a problem. 

Mum goes to work at an office in a big building where she tries to keep some large company from falling apart over its mistakes. When she comes home every evening she tells old Muldoon about all the things that happened at her office all day long. From what we hear, the company simply would not function at all if she were not there to keep it on the right path, going in the right direction. Everyone loves her a lot. She is kind and tries to help everyone. When she comes home, old Muldoon makes some cold clear drink and pours it into chilled stem glasses, and they sip those and talk about their day. They are very cute when they do that. They also turn on the television, which is what people watch instead of blue jays and squirrels. They try to answer the questions on all the television game shows, and when they get a correct answer, old Muldoon gets up and fixes another cool, clear drink for them to share. She and old Muldoon are very kind and loving, but they are very different people. Mum is perfectly neat in everything she does. She is like a cat. Old Muldoon is a bit of a slob, more like a dog than a cat. His clothes and shoes and work papers are strewn around his little room, so that it looks like a big storm came through it and blew everything all over the place. Every now and then Mum will make him pick most of it up and sort it out. Sometimes we think she keeps him around because he cooks delicious meals of every variety in the world and looks like he could defend the place if there were ever an attack. Sometimes, after he has had a few of those cool, clear drinks, he will start singing. Are all the Irish like that?" 

Sometimes we see them cuddle and kiss and play around with each other, just like cats. They arenít all that different from us, are they?    Every now and then, Mum or old Muldoon, and sometimes both of them, have to take a trip and are gone for a few days. That is the worst time around here. Having this house to ourselves without their warmth and love and humour is very empty. We go wild when they come home again. Mum arranges for a very large woman to come by each day and clean our litter boxes and give us fresh food and water. But it isnít the same. We overheard a terrible story about her from Vickie. It seems she was hired to watch a mama cat and her kittens once whilst their family was on vacation and away from home. Usually, the kittens were in their sleeping box when she came to look in on them. One day, when it had been raining all day and her shoes were wet with rain, she slipped and fell down on her rear, sitting with an immense crash right on the kittens, smashing them all flat. Those poor, poor, dear little kittens! If she were to fall on us it would be all over and done. We try to stay very far away from her when she comes here. 

Mum is so very lovely. She and old Muldoon both had extensive physical examinations by their doctors this year, and we are very happy that they are both very healthy. Mum says she feels sorry for old Muldoonís poor lady doctor, who has to put up with his shenanigans about what he will and will not do or tolerate. He has a daughter who is studying to become a doctor, and Mum often wonders whether his daughter would put up with his foolishness if he required treatment from her.  Both of them are allergic to a lot of things that abound in Houston, and they go together every week for allergy shots. Old Muldoon stages his customary performance for the nurses and staff at the allergistís office, such that, so it is told, they simply cannot wait until it is time for them to return each Friday afternoon. He is very happy on Friday afternoon, because he knows that every Friday evening he and Mum visit Muldoons Saloon (yes, Muldoons Saloon), at which he performs to the utmost limits of his special talents. On Saturday mornings, he has been known to be a bit tired and to want to rest a lot. When he is like that, we just love to jump all over him and give him no peace. 

One day, very recently, Bubba came down with a case of the Pooís, and was throwing up a lot. At first we all thought it might be a bug or a little lizard he might have caught and eaten that maybe didnít go well with the carefully crafted cat food Mum always gives us. It is scientifically engineered so that, when we go poo in our litter box, it is just the right size and texture for easy clean up. We donít know if it is good for us or just convenient for litter box maintenance. When Bubba was still pooing too much and at the wrong texture after three days, Mum decided that it was time for Doc. Martin to take a look at Bubbaís poo and see if he could find some lizard stuff in it, or maybe a worm or something. Mum says that he is an Aggie veterinarian, and that that is the only kind of vet she would allow to see us and take care of our medical needs. We wonder why folks would even go to other vet schools if they donít come out on graduation as Aggies. Yuk! The way Mum talks about Aggies, you would think they were some unique life form, like cats. 

Anyhow, Mum gets us an appointment for late afternoon, and the arrangement is that old Muldoon will collect us, put us in our transit carry cage, and drive around to Mumís office so that the entire family, except Vickie, will be going to see Doc. Martin. We just had to laugh at the idea of old Muldoon collecting us, slow as he is, and as much as we resist getting into that carry cage. But, at the appointed hour, old Muldoon sneaks up on Booger, who is cat napping, scoops him up, and before he is fully awake, pops him into the carry cage. Bubba, who was not cat napping, saw old Muldoon spring to life, and decided that he was not going to be put into that cage and that old Muldoon simply would have to catch him if he could. After numerous attempts to sweet talk Bubba into some dumb idea that this was all about affection and hugging and petting, and not about putting Bubba into the cage, with Bubba not buying any of that nonsense, old Muldoon collapsed into his fat boy chair and called Mum for further instructions. Bubba was not far away, and overheard everything old Muldoon was saying on the telephone, so he could figure out what the next move was going to be.  And so the chase began again, this time with old Muldoon carrying a broom. Bubba ran into the big bedroom, arousing Vickie, who joined in, unsure whether old Muldoon was after her also. The two of them ran all around the house, Vickie howling as though she feared that old Muldoon had some truly evil intent, running around with that broom like some Halloween creature. The scene became totally confused, with Bubba and Vickie being chased by fat old Muldoon and his broom. Eventually they ran into Mumís closet, Vickie howling so loudly that old Muldoon feared she might go into shock. He contrived to let her out of the closet and keep Bubba in there so he could catch him, but as soon as Vickie saw her escape route, Bubba was right behind her. Old Muldoon simply wasnít fast enough. And now Bubba had figured out that howling threw Muldoon off his stride, and he began howling also. What a scene. Bubba ran back into a back bedroom and hid in a cat box, pretending he was pooing again. Muldoon came up to the box and sat there, waiting for Bubba to come out. When he thought Muldoon was relaxed a bit, Bubba made a run for it, and Muldoon wasnít fast enough. And the chase began again, with Muldoonís face all red and his breathing now just puffing and gasping, muttering every Irish curse that he could remember. Finally, he trapped Bubba again in Mumís closet and he was caught. Proudly old Muldoon carried Bubba to the carry cage where Booger was waiting and howling now also. Pushing Bubba into the cage, he made a terrible mistake, for then Booger squeezed past Bubba and jumped out of the cage, and the chase began all over again. Now everyone was howling, and Muldoon was cursing his Irish curses. Eventually he caught Booger and was more careful putting him into the carry cage, so that everyone but Vickie did make it to Doc Martinís that afternoon. When it was all over and we had returned home, Old Muldoon plopped down in his fat boy chair and began sipping on some very cold drink out of that stemmed glass he seems to love so much.  

Even though we are brothers and look very much alike, there are differences between us. Most of Mumís and Muldoonís friends have seen pictures of us that they have sent out to all their friends with their annual Christmas messages. From a quick glance at one of those photos, people might think us almost identical. Not so. One of us has a round and fatter head (Booger) and likes to suck on blankets just like a little human kid likes to carry a blanket around and suck its thumb. The other (Bubba) has a narrower head and likes to eat tomatoes. Mum calls Bubba ďTomato CatĒ. Have you ever heard of a cat who eats tomatoes? Never, right? But, then again, who ever heard of a cat who likes spicy Texas chili? 

Please click on the picture above to get a FULL size view.

Outside in front of our house, where Mum has her stray cat restaurant, her feeding station and her little towel lined boxes for stray cats to sleep in when it is cold or rainy, the itinerant cat population has become quite regular now. Every morning and every evening Mum places fresh food and clean water in front of the house for them. Old Muldoon asked her why stray cats who roam the streets all day and night need fresh water when they are used to drinking out of any mud puddle. She told him to mind his own business. She watches over them almost like she watches over us and over Old Muldoon. She wouldnít allow us or Old Muldoon to drink out of a mud puddle, and so she wouldnít let her strays drink dirty water either. We wonder if they still drink out of mud puddles when they are not at our house.

The stray cats seem to have trouble understanding that there is enough food and clean water for them all. If two of them come at the same time, they howl and hiss at each other, and sometimes they actually have catfights. Each seems to want to have the feeding and watering station all to itself, and each feels a need to scare off or run off any other cat. Each thinks he is the only cat with the right to come and eat with us. As we all eat together every day, it is very hard for us to understand what it must be like to have to fight over food and water. Mum decided that it might be more peaceful if she put two feeding stations out front so that each stray cat could have its own place to eat and drink if two of them came around at the same time. It does not seem to make any difference. When there are two of them, there is howling and hissing just like there was when there was only one feeding station.   That is when Mum gets up and goes outside and talks to the angry cats. Muldoon laughs that she actually treats them like people, but they do calm down when she talks to them, and things seem to become more civilized. It is like magic the way she can calm the street cats just by her patience and her beautiful voice, talking softly to them.

Mumís two favorites are a sweet little white kitty that Muldoon calls Blanco McNabb, and a black and white kitty that we named for our new President, George Bush. Mum and Muldoon call him Snippy, because that is what nasty old Al Gore called President Bush on the telephone. In fact, Old Muldoon calls President Bush President Snippy. Old Muldoon is snippy himself sometimes, and he likes that name. We wonder if he will try to become President one day.

Blanco McNabb is small and sweet and friendly. He comes right up and lets people pet him. Mum thinks he was once someoneís pet kitty who is lost and canít find his way home, and not just some tough old street cat. Mum has been keeping track of his comings and goings. He seems to be following the sun. Wherever the sun is shining and there is no shadow and it is warm, Blanco McNabb seems to be lounging there. He starts in the morning with breakfast, before the sun comes up. He gets the usual fresh food and clean fresh water. When the morning sun comes up, he lounges by the east hedges, soaking up the sun outside our living room window.  Late morning finds Blanco McNabb basking in the warm rays on the roof of the little sleeping box just outside Muldoonís office window.

Lately, there is another very tough and mean old street cat that is also pure white, but dirty and larger and feistier than Blanco McNabb. He shows up in the evening and scares Blanco McNabb half to death. On one recent occasion, tough old white cat scared Blanco McNabb so much that he climbed way up in a tree and stayed there most of the night. Mum wanted to call the fire department to come with their truck ladder and get Blanco McNabb down out of the tree, but Old Muldoon talked her out of it, saying that Blanco knew how to get down when he was ready and that the fire department people do not like to be called whenever some stray cat climbs up in a tree. Sure enough, Blanco was back down in the morning, ready for breakfast as usual. Then, a few nights ago, mean old white cat scared Blanco McNabb so much that he climbed up on the roof of the house. Mum told Old Muldoon to go get the big ladder and bring it to the front and hold it while she climbed up to the roof and brought Blanco McNabb down herself. Old Muldoon said that Blanco would think it was a game and climb up on the roof every night just to get Mum to climb a ladder and bring him down. We are waiting to see if that is what will happen.

Snippy didnít come around to eat for a few days, and Mum was worried that he might have been run over by a car. Old Muldoon said that he was sure Snippy had just found some other place to mooch meals or maybe that Snippy had found a girl friend and was waiting to get to know her better before taking her out to dinner at our house. Mum did not think he was funny and told him so. After about five days, Snippy showed up walking very slowly and painfully, with his left ear badly bruised. He had apparently been in a very bad fight, and from the looks of him, he was not the winner. Gradually, Snippy got better and better and is now all well and healed up and walking and running just like he used to do. Old Muldoon likes Snippy better now that he knows Snippy can handle himself in a good fight. Whenever Snippy shows up, Old Muldoon calls Mum on the telephone and reports that Snippy is back and doing just fine. He now shows up for breakfast a few minutes after Blanco McNabb has eaten his breakfast, and Mum goes out to greet him and spends a few minutes visiting with him. We think female humans must have some romantic notions about tough males who get into fights. Do you agree with that? Snippy still wonít come close enough to let anyone pet him, but we can tell that he would probably like to be cuddled if he could just let himself relax.

In between cat feedings, the blue jays come around and share in the cat food out front. They are not afraid of any cat. The big bird feast is still out back in the evenings when Mum comes home from her office. So far, no cats are out back bothering Mumís birds. She believes that as long as she takes care of cats in front of the house, the birds in back will be safe. Old Muldoon is simply amazed that she seems to understand and to be able to influence the behavior of wild animals. She once told him that she learned to organize wild animals by living with him all these years.

A few days ago, Old Muldoon switched his computer stuff to high-speed cable, and the Internet connection company sent out a technician who was a very delightful Vietnamese man who did a very fine job for Muldoon. Everything works, as it should. But he was amazed at all the cat and pig things all over the house. He said it was just like it used to be for him when he lived in Asia, and that he didnít know that Americans venerated pigs and cats just like Asians do. When he went into the attic to string the cable to the computer room wall, there was Blanco McNabb, who, unknown to all of us up until then, has been living in our attic at night. Maybe thatís why heís on the roof so much. Our roof must be his front porch.

After searching for a few days, Mum found that Blanco McNabb was getting into the attic through a passageway over the walk between the garage and the house. So, summoning Old Muldoon to hold the ladder, she covered the access spot, and now Blanco McNabb has to stay outdoors. Mum was afraid Blanco McNabb might get into the house and have an argument with us, and that he might be carrying some illness due his not ever going to get any shots. Of course, knowing Mum, she wouldnít just take away Blanco McNabbís attic retreat without providing substitute comforts for him. So she installed an old love seat in the garage and made a bed for him with a wooly blanket and some towels. She also set up a special feeding station just for Blanco McNabb right at the garage door. And, of course Mum launders the blanket and towels for Blanco McNabb every other week, and has made an appointment for him with Dr. Martin to get him checked out, some shots, and be sure she knows the state of Blanco McNabbís health. She noticed that he had irritated eyes, and she applied medication to his eye for a week or so. They cleared right up, of course. But once Mum starts getting involved with anything, she never quits until it is totally done in every possible way.

That mean old other white cat comes around every now and then and gets in a fight with any cat that happens to be eating at the front door. So Mum went to the Dollar Store and bought a water pistol. When the mean white cat comes around, she first tries to sweet talk him into good behavior. But when he insists upon being a beast, she squirts him with cold water, and then he leaves.  YEA MUM!!!

She threatens to squirt Old Muldoon with the water pistol if he waits too long to tear down the kitchen and give it a thorough cleaning every few weeks. Mum is always so neat and keeps everything so clean and orderly, while Muldoon just leaves things wherever they may be, thinking heíll probably use them again tomorrow, so why put them away tonight. He hates housework, but he forces himself to do it to please Mum. He gets into his housework costume and puts a chain collar around his neck with a leash attached, so Mum will know he feels like a dog tied to a tree. He gets this unbelievable look on his face, but then he settles down and gets the kitchen all shiny and bright, and Mum is happy with him again.

I hate housework


By Seamus Muldoon, Himself
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